Thursday, September 10, 2009

Now wat?

Gosh this week, sure did have it moments!!! 

But the thing is, what stood out more for me, is i think, again, i think.. i might just be going away from a few of my beliefs, and although this makes me feel like such a hypocrite, the feelings i have because of this make it seem OK… 

Like its no big deal, maybe its a god-damned thing, maybe im dreaming, maybe im just fucking up the wrong tree, he says it addictive, i think he’s right…  

But you know what, even if i do end up hurting myself, and i say hurting myself because i wont allow him to hurt me, thats just too much to handle...i really don’t care… he just makes me think jell-o is solid…at times.., although he sometimes think that that’s a good thing but i may be wrong… he’s such a rude ass and I cant be rude to him ; so we fit, like yin-yang, like a single cherry on whip cream, like doty doty dots on a lady bug… 

There’s no cold, yet he makes me shiver, there’s no flame and yet i burn, I’m still not sure what i am afraid of, yet i tremble… there’s no storm, yet i hear thunder…My tummy has butterflies and my heart beats a little faster, when my phone beeps with his number…I’m in a higher state of being and float through our conversations…weak one moment, the next im fine… its like im falling every time. i think he is my close friend but then he makes me himself think and tries to make me think that its hardly true… maybe cuz we’re just very close…maybe cuz we just find that comfort in each other, its often confusing, but does this happen to people who haven’t met each other…? he laughs at me…more often than with me… But i don’t care, its his laugh that i need, his re assurance that we’ll be friends no matter what…And just before i sleep at night, i need to know he’s there…And all the while I’m thinking things…That I can never share with him. I’m a bundle of confusion, Yet it has a strange appeal.Did it all begin with him, And the way he makes me feel.. 

Yes, im fucking sweet at time and i do have my fucking moods… and i do fucking fall in love or maybe i do fucking think i fall in love…so fucking what.. im still a bloody girl! Deal with it!!!! 

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